It's easy to make everything a conspiracy when you don't know how anything works.

Men are trained to never assume a woman is flirting with them. Women are trained always assume a man is flirting with them.

When gas inevitably reaches $10+ a gallon A LOT of gas stations will need new gas price signs to accommodate that extra digit.

No one ever dresses up like Santa Claus for Halloween

There must be a considerable number of Messis, Ronaldos, Bill Gates and other equally talented potentials that were simply born in the wrong place so the world never got to learn about their talent.

Cats are winners in Evolution. They evolved to be so cute yet deadly that they can provide for themselves, but there's whole another species that wants to take care of them and provide for all their needs for nothing but companionship.

Intelligent people realise how stupid they are

Kissing someone is liking someone so much that you want to taste them

No one ever uses the word 'Biblical' when describing anything positive or fun. It seems to be exclusively used for bad weather.

Talking to a lawyer can cost you a lot of money. Not talking to a lawyer can cost you a lot of money. Somebody else talking to a lawyer can cost you a lot of money.

Rich men want women who love them regardless of their money, but women who love regardless of money don’t look for rich men.

The guy who invented the bicycle must have thought it didn’t work for quite a while

Throughout history, countless civilisation come and go and yet almost all of them managed to find some way to make alcohol

The IRS wins every lottery and jackpots because the winner has to pay half of their winnings to them.

Calorie-free energy drinks have zero actual energy in them

None of the villains in the Incredibles movies have powers.

Having no gag reflex fucking sucks. You can't force yourself to vomit when you need to.

Disabled people are going to become some of the first cyborgs

Despite computerisation making industry more efficient, people are unhappier than ever

Getting fat is fun, but being fat is not fun. Getting thin is not fun, but being thin is fun.

That one guy who does voice-over for movie promos must be filthy rich