We're really lucky that blinking doesn't make noise

The G in Black Angus restaurant signs have the most important job of any signage.

Parenting a teenager is difficult because its hard to tell them you understand what they’re going through without admitting to all the things you did as a teenager

Kids won't tell a soul when they are tired but adults will tell anyone who'll listen

Dentists are cutting their own business by advising people how to clean their teeth properly

Somebody somewhere accidentally has you in the background of their photo.

There had to be some straight fire songs from ancient civilizations that we just missed out on because they were never written down.

Our finger fitting perfectly in our nostrils must be an evolutionary prank

Overcoming yourself is the hardest tribulation one can face in life.

Modern vampire stories make no sense because blood banks exist

When people think about travelling to the past, they worry about accidentally changing the present, but no one in the present really thinks they can radically change the future.

We named ourselves humans

Your teeth are the only part of your skeleton that you clean.

Cats are living proof that if you are pretty enough, even the world’s biggest jerks can be loved by someone.

It seems unfair that people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Everyone wants to save the world but no one wants to help Mom with the dishes

Television commercials have far more influence on people having unrealistic exptecations about life than pornography.

Egg salad is still chicken salad.

Some people have already reached their half-life without realizing it.

Taking someone's pen after using it is a socially acceptable form of stealing.

It's a good thing that your finger doesn't fit any further into your ear canal