The biggest mistake humans have ever made is allowing the copyright of naturally occurring chemical sequences.

The only *determining* difference between a waffle and pancake is the shape

Increasing by 20% followed by decreasing by 20% doesn't leave you back where you started

Adults are children with money

Because people only cook meat to carbon by accident, a steak burnt solid is the rarest steak of all.

No matter how often or throughly you shower, you’ll only ever be able to clean 16% of your body.

The more you learn about something man-made, the simpler it gets. But the more you learn about something naturally-occurring, the more complicated it gets.

It seems like the richer you are, the more free things you get

Scattering someone's ashes is the most acceptable way of throwing out a dead body.

We're all damaged in some way, the trick is finding someone whose damage is compatible with yours and vice-versa.

As an adult we replace 8 hours of fun with 8 hours of work

You aren't stuck in traffic, you are the traffic.

The Friends hardly laugh at Chandler’s jokes. Without the laugh track, he’s just a jerk.

Scrooge begrudgingly gave Bob Christmas day off, which makes him a kinder boss than most in the modern day

We drink hot water only if it's flavored.

Tooth paste is an enigma, a new tube runs out fast, a nearly empty tube lasts forever.

Being smarter than the teacher won't do you any good. You also have to be smart enough to know what the teacher wants to hear.

We're eventually going to get so technologically advanced, that we hit a wall because learning all the background on a topic necessary to make an advancement will take longer than our lifetimes will allow.

People will drink too much, abuse several drugs, eat fast food and put themselves in all sorts of dangerous situations but NEVER take over the recommended dose of ibuprofen.

Everyone is self centered the radius differs.

When you toast bread it turns into toast but when you toast a bagel its just bagel.