If your food says "Enjoy" at the end of the cooking instructions, you can't complain to the company if you didn't like it, since you technically didn't follow the instructions.

People think old technology was terrible, but we still made it to the moon over 50 years ago

The point at which you stop being poor is when it’s harder to get rid of old stuff than it is to get new stuff

In math, multiplication and division are opposites, but for a cell they're the same

Drinking milk and ice is is weird, but drinking milk, ice, and coffee isn’t.

A job interview is similar to a blind date, but with less alcohol and more awkward silences.

Seven is the only number under 10 that’s more than one syllable

You don't understand you're also watching your parents mature while you're a child.

Being unemployed is similar to a never-ending vacation without the fun or the money.

The most successful actor to come out of the HBO show Girls was a man named Adam.

Our body’s ability to store a fatal amount of fat is a survival mechanism.

Being alone feels a lot better than being with someone you are not compatible with (or comfortable with).

December is always thought of as The winter month even though winter only starts near the end of the month.

While drinking a beer, both the person and the beer are getting drunk.

The internet made a bigger deal about a black girl playing fictional Little Mermaid, than they did about a latina playing Marilyn Monroe.

The mailman has never been inside your house, so as far as your dog knows the barking is working.

We celebrate the idea of individuality and uniqueness as a society but shame anyone who is actually truly unique in real life.

The murderer who killed Batman's parents saved many lives by creating Batman. Batman killed many people by refusing to kill Joker.

Despite practicing every single day, it doesn’t always get easier falling asleep at night.

Making peace with bad things in your life is great until you do it too often and realize how screwed up your life is

Starting a conversation on a dating app is becoming less about opening with a joke and more about opening with a Touring Test.