Non existence is more common than existence. An infinite number of things do not exist. The number of things in the universe that exist are finite

In the board game Clue, the killer must have left behind a messy crime scene if players can't tell if Mr. Boddy was shot, stabbed, strangled, or beaten.

Probably more than one cook was executed because the food tester had an unknown allergy

The average person has more than zero Super Bowl rings

You never see a snail arrive. They are always ‘just there’.

Your average woman has seen more blood than most men ever will

No compliment lands quite like the dental hygienist telling you you're doing a great job

There are probably some dead people still being charged for their online subscriptions

Some people want babies but they don’t want kids.

Humans have been using the reproductive organs of plants to seduce each other to reproduce.

Tombstones will probably have QR codes on them in the future that share the life-story of those buried there.

Society as we see it is an elaborate facade built over an enormous underground network of waterslides for turds

Raisins are grape jerky

You know you’re in a small town when the radio station tells you what the elementary school lunch menu is for the day

An average fork/ spoon that you use in a restaurant has been in thousands of other people’s mouths.

Humans(and other animals) never truly lived out of water. They just evolved into petri dishes and packed the water inside their skin.

The day you realize you have a favorite headache pill is the day you realize you're getting older.

The generation that taught us not to believe everything we read on the internet couldn’t apply that to tabloids/newspapers

We may reach a point of no original thought. Just borrowed ideas from others.

Being your heaviest weight ever is both a new high and a new low.

Something is least enjoyable when you’re useless at it, or perfect at it. It’s only when you're making progress that you enjoy it