The more intelligent an animal is, the less ethical it is to own them

The day the casino gets an uno table is the day I’ll start gambling

Your earliest minor truma might have set the course for your whole life

Terror and Horror are synonyms, but Terrific and Horrific are antonyms.

A positive thing about aging is that there is a higher and higher chance that someone has died that witnessed you do something embarrassing in the past and that memory is gone forever.

Cats are nowhere near as intelligent as humans yet it just feels like they know something we don’t

A stick becomes a log, when it’s too big to throw for a dog

In a world dominated by humans, being cute is actually a survival tactic

A seat warmed by a machine feels nice and cozy, but a seat warmed by another human just feels gross.

Non existence is more common than existence. An infinite number of things do not exist. The number of things in the universe that exist are finite

In the board game Clue, the killer must have left behind a messy crime scene if players can't tell if Mr. Boddy was shot, stabbed, strangled, or beaten.

Probably more than one cook was executed because the food tester had an unknown allergy

The average person has more than zero Super Bowl rings

You never see a snail arrive. They are always ‘just there’.

Your average woman has seen more blood than most men ever will

No compliment lands quite like the dental hygienist telling you you're doing a great job

There are probably some dead people still being charged for their online subscriptions

Some people want babies but they don’t want kids.

Humans have been using the reproductive organs of plants to seduce each other to reproduce.

Tombstones will probably have QR codes on them in the future that share the life-story of those buried there.

Society as we see it is an elaborate facade built over an enormous underground network of waterslides for turds