A good liar can pretend to be a bad liar, but a bad liar can't be a good liar.

A vacuum is the only thing that sucks when it doesn't suck

Nowadays, we do not pay for what is advertised. We pay to get rid of what gets advertised.

The industry of things that help you avoid reality is the largest in the world.

Fruit baskets don’t make sense

hating france is the most french thing you can do

A lot of relationships fall apart because no matter how amazing someone’s partner is, they can’t provide the rush of being new

a bottomless pit is the safest place to fall into

Before we were able to make fire, our ancestors probably kept little pet fires which they'd got from the wild

When the computer overheats, it freezes.

Ever notice how some people are fire alarms? they tell you that there's fire, yet do nothing to help put the fire out.

Tall people are expected to use their reach to help shorter people, but if a tall person were to ask a short person to hand them something they dropped on the floor it'd be insulting.

We live in an era where adult female Halloween costumes are practically lingerie

The fact that our genitals are used as terrible personality traits is very sad as they can provide so much joy

The wand chooses the Wizard but the Wizard still has to buy the wand.

Members of royal families will likely never have to take DNA tests considering how extensively monitored and well-documented the members are.

There are owners of old cars at both ends of the economic spectrum.

Vibranium is the Marvel mithril.

Ventriloquism is the only acceptable form of someone having a conversation with themselves using multiple personalities.

Basically all of the evolution of guns has been humans learning how to launch rocks at each other faster and more accurate.

We are at the stage where we can start calling BS on the 10-15 year lifespan of LED bulbs.