Somewhere there is an industrial nacho cheese production facility with giant vats of liquid cheese to support taco bell and movie theaters.

You hear a lot of debates about pineapple on pizza, while other toppings aren't controversial at all

Every hairdresser who ruined your hair has a bunch of regular clients.

4 syllables is 4 syllables

90% of all drug dealers get their drugs from other drug dealers

Even though his skin is impenetrable to bullets Superman must still hate getting one in the nads.

The closest we’ve come as a species to finding the Fountain of Youth is the affects of childhood trauma.

Fishes don't know they're wet

After we die, our inboxes will continue to accumulate junk mail until they are completely full.

No one ever looks they are having fun playing poker.

The older you get, the less likely you are to take someone’s virginity.

Homo Sapiens is the only species of Ape that is not endangered

There are blind birds

Life won't reward you for being a good person. But it doesn't seem to punish people for being an a-hole either.

When they show characters drastically ageing in movies to note the passage of life, no one ever get fat, just old…

Every situation is a life-or-death situation.

While unsolicited dick pics are frown upon unsolicited titty pics are actually encouraged.

Almost all of the world's problems can be traced to one problem: greed

Your favorite song might not be the one you've played the most, but the one you've skipped the least.

It's actually way safer to drink and drive than it is to drink and then drive.

We’re all just spending money trying to fill some void