Cars make such good weapons you have to learn how to not kill people with it

Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is not the definition of insanity, it’s the definition of practice.

Millennials are the panda generation. They're too depressed to have children even though people want them them to.

If someone comes up to you at the gym and tells you you're inspiring, you're either in great shape or you're in terrible shape

Fat women get to be plus-sized. But fat men are simply overweight.

Pegging used to be when you gave your friend a ride on your BMX

The survival of the human race is as fragile as the ego of one man.

Batmans butler probably saved hundreds of people by raising him to be good when he easily could've become evil like everyone else in Gotham

You don't miss your childhood. You miss the innocence and ignorance of the world

Chuck E Cheese is a casino for kids.

Knowing what we know about germs and how gross the average human is, it makes no sense that we keep making toilets with handles for flushing instead of a foot pedal for flushing.

With all the curves and ups and down of an ear, it would make for a great skatepark

Since flowers are the plants' genitals, every photo of a flower is technically plant porn.

It is known that drinking coffee prevents one from sleeping, but sleeping prevents one from drinking coffee a lot more effectively

Traditions are Peer Pressure from Dead People

High metabolism is wasted in our youth when we’re too broke to overeat.

when you think with your dick, you’re thinking harder, not smarter.

Your eraser dies slowly because of your mistakes.

Trying to carry your groceries in one trip is probably the most effortful form of laziness.

Japanese porn video editors have the privilege to watch uncensored Japanese porn

When a person misses an appointment they become a disappointment.