Weird Al’s career has outlasted nearly every artist he’s parodied.

If we stop tipping employers actually need to pay their employees a fair wage.

You don't control your body at all. All your organs are doing their job and you can't do a thing about it.

Someone has probably had an imaginary argument with you while they were in the shower

Admit it, 99,99999% of humanity clean their teeth right before heading to the Dentist.

if every insect were to disappear the earth would suffer, if all humans would disappear the earth would thrive

Since there are people with an amputee fetish, there’s probably also some guy who just wants to have sex with a leg.

Someone’s mom has probably used you as a bad example to their kid.

Granite forms over millions of years of heat and pressure only to spend 15 years in your kitchen before being returned to the earth because your color pallet changed.

Considering that the liver is larger than the heart, we’re designed to drink more and care less

You’re the only person that’s heard everything you’ve ever said.

one day gen z humor will be considered unfunny by future generations

Cars make such good weapons you have to learn how to not kill people with it

Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is not the definition of insanity, it’s the definition of practice.

Millennials are the panda generation. They're too depressed to have children even though people want them them to.

If someone comes up to you at the gym and tells you you're inspiring, you're either in great shape or you're in terrible shape

Fat women get to be plus-sized. But fat men are simply overweight.

Pegging used to be when you gave your friend a ride on your BMX

The survival of the human race is as fragile as the ego of one man.

Batmans butler probably saved hundreds of people by raising him to be good when he easily could've become evil like everyone else in Gotham

You don't miss your childhood. You miss the innocence and ignorance of the world