Conspiracy theorists don't actually want us to believe all the stuff they're shouting at us about because if we did they wouldn't feel special and exceptional anymore.

Instead of telling you it is raining outside, a true Smart refrigerator would tell you all the different meals you could make with the food you have

Just remember, If Amber heard lawyers Graduated and Became lawyers, you can do anything. Don’t stop believing in yourself.

Asking a tall person to pick something off the shelf is expected, but asking a short person to pick something off the floor is an insult.

The porn industry is the only industry where it is entire acceptable, and sometimes encouraged, to have sex with your boss

If shapeshiftes existed in our world then there would probably be a high demand for them in the porn industry

Sunny D tastes like someone made a bet that they could make orange juice without oranges

Not having your childhood cringe moments immortalized on the internet is one of the biggest blessings as you get older.

Historically, bad people are more famous than the good people.

All Scooby-Doo monsters were people in disguises, yet they were attracted to female monster disguises made by Shaggy and Scooby.

The 3 Musketeers used swords, not muskets.

Murder is generally good for the environment

Weird Al’s career has outlasted nearly every artist he’s parodied.

If we stop tipping employers actually need to pay their employees a fair wage.

You don't control your body at all. All your organs are doing their job and you can't do a thing about it.

Someone has probably had an imaginary argument with you while they were in the shower

Admit it, 99,99999% of humanity clean their teeth right before heading to the Dentist.

if every insect were to disappear the earth would suffer, if all humans would disappear the earth would thrive

Since there are people with an amputee fetish, there’s probably also some guy who just wants to have sex with a leg.

Someone’s mom has probably used you as a bad example to their kid.

Granite forms over millions of years of heat and pressure only to spend 15 years in your kitchen before being returned to the earth because your color pallet changed.