Anyone who has seen your butthole on more than three separate occasions is not a stranger.

If a group of humans ever gets to colonize another planet, the knowledge that they came from earth will probably get lost after a couple of generations and there will be people doubting that the planet earth even exists because they’ve been on that new planet their entire lives.

If an erection is referred to as wood, then you could logically refer to foreskin as bark

Money is a magnet for more money. Getting from $0 to $1M is impossible. Getting from $1M to $10M is inevitable.

No one is ever the right amount of whelmed.

If you use hours instead of dollars It changes the perspective.

Every living moment, every astronomical coincidence, every exploding star since the big bang, led directly to the creation of furry porn. Like it or not, it has been destined since the beginning.

The more depressed you get, the less you want help.

When someone seems mad, you assume it’s your fault, but when someone’s happy, you don’t think it has anything to do with you.

Bikinis no matter how skimpy will always be more acceptable than walking around in bra and panties.

Wild Orcas are the only apex predator that you don't need to worry about if you run into them.

Daniel Radcliffe is the British version of Elijah Wood.

The Library is one of the last public places where you can go and are not expected to spend any money whatsoever.

The period between the end of your work shift and the weekend is more satisfying than the weekend itself.

Maturing is realizing that your parents loved you the only way they knew how, that they grew up not knowing how to heal from their own trauma.

There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but some of them are extremely poisonous.

Your childhood ends the day you realise that sleep is a reward and not a punishment.

The brake pedal is also technically an accelerator.

Moving must be really hard if you have no friends or reliable family.

If your roommate has a Dog, you get all the benefits of a dog without the responsibility.

Conspiracy theorists don't actually want us to believe all the stuff they're shouting at us about because if we did they wouldn't feel special and exceptional anymore.