A broken clock is correct more times a day than one who's off by one minute

If you die in a carcrash and the radio is still playing. That's basically your life's outro song.

If you bite you're bottom lip you look sexy but if you bite your top lip you look like an idiot

Lonely people forget how amazing it is to have the bed to yourself

Everyone asks you what your favorite color or food is, but no one asks you what your favorite temperature is.

Nothing ruins a Friday faster than realizing it's only Tuesday.

Millions of years ago, A wolf explained to his pup that if you eat a man you get fed for a day, roll over and play dead, and you will be fed for the rest of your life.

It’s crazy to think that all things - cars, buildings, phones, computers - were ultimately created using only the natural, raw resources that earth has to offer. It’s so cool how we can go from rocks and dirt and raw metal to a functioning computer with a display.

Humans jump into water for fun while dolphins and whales jump into air for fun

The fact that our fingernails are naturally color coded to shows us exactly how far we can trim them down without injuring ourselves doesn’t get enough credit.

One year on Earth is 7.9 billion years worth of human experience

Learning to drive is stressful.. you get put in a 2 ton deathmachine and if you don't make it go fast enough the people behind you will start yelling

Alcohol is the only drug where, if you don’t do it, people assume you have a problem.

If you're handsome and quiet, it's mysterious. If you're ugly and quiet, it's weird.

A British King has never seen a newspaper in color.

Having a civilization on Mars and earth would start a cross-planet phone bill.

The earth is actually 100% land and 71% water because there is indeed land under the water.

It’s probable that someone has managed to fart into another person’s butthole over the course of history.

If you stare at the sun long enough, you get a dog.

The little dash between the Birth date and the Death date on your grave represents your entire life.

So many people cry on Valentine's Day like It's the only day no one loves them.