You don’t realize you’ve fallen asleep until you wake up again

Unicycles are all wheel drive.

Short people will often ask a taller person to help get something from a high shelf but taller people always have to get their own low down stuff.

A woman's place is in the kitchen. A man's place is in the kitchen. Everyone's place is in the kitchen. That's where the food is.

Technically any animal can be considered a pet if you’re brave enough

Too many people confuse sex with love

Eye drops are technically Blinker fluid.

There is no better judgment of character than how a person behaves when assembling pre-fab composite wood furniture.

Left handed people are less likely to get away with murder if they use a knife.

Someone somewhere is reading your post while pooping

Green Goblin made a super-soldier serum from scratch but no one cares.

People who use glory holes are very trusting of strangers

Every single person on Earth is here involuntarily.

The association of wisdom with being old, gave a lot of old people respect they don't deserve.

It is unfortunate that 18 year old you has to decide the career path for future you.

It's very convenient that every planet in Star Wars has the same force of gravity.

'What the fuck' is shorter than 'wtf', syllably speaking.

telling someone to enjoy their day sounds polite but telling someone to enjoy their next 24 hours sounds slightly threatening

Driving a car (sober) and not remembering how you got to your end destination is wild…

The only reason lottery winners make poor financial decisions is because only people who make poor financial decisions enter the lottery.

A bottomless pit is one of the safest pits to fall into