all children deserve parents but not all parents deserve children

In the UK, bank transfers are free and instantaneous, so apps like CashApp and Venmo can only exist because US banks suck.

If you went to the Moon with a Guinness World Records judge, you could set a ton of new records.

People who drive the same make and model as cops do in their area probably take longer to get places because everybody slows down around them.

If animals could talk, no one would eat them.

All bras are booby traps.

Maybe one of the reasons college tuition hasn’t gone down in the U.S. is to make sure 18 year olds who can’t afford it join the military.

In the near future rich dudes are gonna pay to surgically swap dongs with willing participants (likely with larger dongs)

When brain chip implants become mainstream, tinfoil hats are probably going to be actually useful to prevent hacking.

Many women don't seem to understand that men also hold doors open for other men.

People 100 years ago would have been baffled that we still manage to let food go bad despite fridges.

Amish people can't motorboat their wife's boobs they can only row boat them

There is a chance that at some point, someone was masturbating when you texted them.

Surgeons are human mechanics

If reincarnation was ever confirmed there would probably be a drastic spike in suicides.

If we made years half as long, we could double life expectancy

The existence of Lil Wayne indicates there is a Regular Sized Wayne and potentially a Big Wayne.

When you injure your index finger, your other fingers get promotions.

Mordor must have restaurants since Orcs are familiar with menus.

There's a pretty good chance someone had sex on the Great Pyramids at least once throughout its 3,800 years of existence.

Scientists work frantically to invent a solar powered carbon capture machine... Y'know like a tree.