Nature's cruel joke is that a man's penis is the only part of his body that can't store fat.

The irony of a cheeseburger. You've taken something from a live cow and put it on a dead one.

If you’ve ever stood up on a bus, you’ve effectively made it a 25,000 lb skateboard.

One of the reasons people miss being kids is because of how easy it was to make friends. You constantly met new people and they rarely had enough life experience to dissagree with you on anything

White shoes go well with everything except outside

If you reversed a video about how silk clothes are made, it would turn into the painstaking process of dismantling a beautiful dress in order to shove it up a worm's ass.

If lab-grown meat becomes the norm, our children and grandchildren will probably think we're monsters for killing and eating animals

You don’t realise how much noise is happening all around you, until the exact moment your power goes out and all of your appliances stop. It’s like pressing the mute button on your life.

There most definitely are singles in your area

Of all the Spider-Verses, we had to be in the one where he's a fictional character

Being a toddler must be so strange. Going to sleep in a crib and waking up in Walmart

Stepmothers have no middle ground in media depictions; either they’re evil in fairy tales or horny in porns

Because of the fact you exist and your line survived there is a high chance you had a good worrior among your ancestors.

Take 10 years to build a relationship, 1 min to destroy it.

If humans become a multiplanetary civilization, there's gonna be a whole community of Gymbros regularly travelling to hi-gravity planets just for workouts.

A lot of people are afraid to be in a horror movie scenario, but most movie scenarios can be completely avoided by simply leaving the house or not being stupid trying to hide in the basement.

You're racing all the people born in the same year as you to see who lives the longest and the number of competitors is thinner every hour.

Some burglars are much better at moving stuff out of the house than professional moving companies. If burglars made their own moving company they’d likely make way more money.

The David and Goliath story is supposed to be inspiring but David essentially just brought a Gun to a knife fight.

When you smoke, you actually pay to get cancer.

Most relationship advice is given by people in relationships that just haven't failed yet.