Tattoos have become less of a sign of someone who can't get a job and more of a sign that someone is so secure in their position that tattoos are not a problem.

Losers live with their parents is an idea developed by real estate companies to sell/rent more houses

Your brain automatically translates wtf but not lol.

Any number of your Tinder matches that ghosted you actually could have just fucking died.

Your first birthday is technically your second.

History says dinosaurs laid eggs and evolution gave us chickens from dinosaurs, so logically the egg did come first and not the chicken.

Shower-sex is a prime example of why some things are only good in theory

Asshole is probably the most gender neutral cussword

If the moon landing was a hoax, the Soviets would have gone out of their way to prove it was faked

People with ADHD are probably less susceptible to hypnosis, because they can't fully concentrate on the hypnotist's voice.

Nature's cruel joke is that a man's penis is the only part of his body that can't store fat.

The irony of a cheeseburger. You've taken something from a live cow and put it on a dead one.

If you’ve ever stood up on a bus, you’ve effectively made it a 25,000 lb skateboard.

One of the reasons people miss being kids is because of how easy it was to make friends. You constantly met new people and they rarely had enough life experience to dissagree with you on anything

White shoes go well with everything except outside

If you reversed a video about how silk clothes are made, it would turn into the painstaking process of dismantling a beautiful dress in order to shove it up a worm's ass.

If lab-grown meat becomes the norm, our children and grandchildren will probably think we're monsters for killing and eating animals

You don’t realise how much noise is happening all around you, until the exact moment your power goes out and all of your appliances stop. It’s like pressing the mute button on your life.

There most definitely are singles in your area

Of all the Spider-Verses, we had to be in the one where he's a fictional character

Being a toddler must be so strange. Going to sleep in a crib and waking up in Walmart