No one has ever been on a deserted island

Long fake nails is seen as ok but long real nails is seen as unhygienic

You will probably find more alcohol at a 1 year old's birthday party than at a 60 year old's.

Considering that the CIA confirmed Osama Bin Laden played online video games like CounterStrike, numerous people probably eliminated him over the years without realizing it was him.

You don't always watch porn because you're horny; sometimes you're just lonely.

When your partner gives you a shopping list, it's effectively a fetch quest in the most boring RPG ever.

People eat meat replicas for the same reason that people use dildos. Looks the same. Feels the same. Fills a hole but no one gets hurt.

Between the years 1987-2013, there was no single year comprised of 4 different digits.

2/22/2022 is the date with the most identical digits in our lifetime.

Pokémon Go lasted longer than the Confederacy.

If it took 30,000 years to domesticate the dog, then the greatest gift we can give to our descendents is to start trying to domesticate the giraffe

Spiderman could only exist in the U.S., for in any other developed country, he would have just gone to a hospital for the spider bite

From an extraterrestrial viewpoint, all the space junk and satellite debris in earth’s orbit makes the planet look like a redneck front lawn with a pile of dead cars on the grass.

Most people are made on beds, born in beds, and die in beds.

The human body is a really good smell proof bag

It’s highly likely that the entire continent of Antarctica contains no dumb people.

Actors dating actors must have pretty awesome role playing experiences.

Centaurs could be half person half unicorn, we just can't tell from that end

Surely there exists a middle ground between Maccas straws that take 200 years to break down and one’s that can’t make it till the end of your drink before disintegrating.

If you hate an actor/actress for a role they played as they are probably a really good actor/actress

Sleeping in is considered lazy but going to bed early isn’t