Fairy tales don't teach children that monster exist--they already know. Instead, fairy tales teach children that monsters can be defeated.

Bill Gates showed some real big dick energy when he named his company Microsoft.

If you lose one leg your bmi goes down. If you lose two legs your bmi goes up.

If aging can be slowed down by replenishing gut bacteria, the fountain of youth may be found by eating ass.

You probably have met a murderer or a psychopath at some point in your life.

Yesterday was the last 21st day of the 21st year of the 21st century

If you give your friend a $20 gift card, and they give you a $20 gift card in return, effectively all you've done is sign a prepaid contract to collectively spend $40 at those stores.

Suspending a kid from school is more of a punishment for the parents than for the kid.

Throwing up must be terrible for giraffes

A colonoscopy is one of the most expensive ways to figure out that you’re not into butt stuff

A different version of you exists in the mind of every person who knows you.

Instead of a T-shirt, people missing one arm could wear r-shirts

You can slaughter, cook, and eat a goat without consequences, but you go to jail if you have sex with it

Pornstars are probably a lot more popular than we think they are. We just usually don’t talk about them.

If fish is seafood, pork is landfood and duck, skyfood.

It somehow became socially acceptable for a straight woman to put stuff in her butt, yet not so acceptable for a straight man to put stuff in his.

We really on a floating rock in the middle of nowhere paying bills

'Holy infant so tender and mild' suggests the existence of tough, spicy infants

The more nose jobs there are, the more we proliferate unattractive nose genes.

Onlyfans girls are the nfts of girlfriends. You pay a stupid amount of money for something easily reproduced and that you truly don't have.

Our bodies need rest from physical activity, our minds need rest from intellectual work and our souls need rest from toxic social media bs.