The mailman has never been in your house, so as far as your dog knows, their barking is working.

Maybe the speed of light is the render speed for the program of our universe

Once you learn how to read, it’s impossible to turn it off. You can’t help but instantly read every word you come across

When Don McLean dies, it will be The day the guy who sang the day the music died, died

Since a large portion of the population has sex while pregnant, the percentage of women who have had two penises inside of her at once is a lot higher than you would have thought

Society is in bad shape when hyperbolic comedians and doom-and-gloom TV shows start sounding rational.

Stickers are more than 50% trash

Happiness is a commodity that can’t be bought, but a lot of companies promise to deliver it

There’s no reason why cars in The Flintstones have steering wheels

People in black and white photos lived in a colorful world

A boy will suck tits as a kid then stop doing it and want to do it again

If humans had more than 2 arms, we would still have a predominant left or right, just more of them.

Elephants are the quadrapeds best equipped to take a selfie.

Any dildo is technically double-sided if you’re brave enough

SOOBY DOO taught us that the real monsters...are hunans.

Finding a surprise onion ring mixed with your fries is a welcomed form of food cross contamination.

Maybe every country has ninjas but the world only knows about Japan's because theirs suck.

Ronald McDonald got phased out of all our lives and no one cared or commented.

The larger a body of water you are in, the more acceptable it is to pee in it

Pretty sure Mrs. Claus is fake. She was invented because people couldn't handle the idea of an unmarried elderly man watching children all year long and then giving them presents based on his own deluded judgements of naughty or nice.

The concept of simply not having an opinion on something is lost on most people.