the demise of the human species will ultimately be a good thing for the planet and its inhabitants

People mock garbage collectors and janitors without realizing that they're the reason for their environment being clean and sanitary

People with two prosthetic legs can pick their height

People treat a great day and a horrible day the same way. With alcohol.

Saying there is a secret ingredient in a dessert is interesting. Saying there is a secret ingredient in a drink is very concerning.

Most adults get excited to ride gokarts even though they could drive a real car on real roads whenever they want.

It’s a better idea to teach students how to get trustworthy information from the internet rather than memorizing facts to pass an exam

If you refuse to pay your taxes, you are put in a place where you live off of other people's taxes.

Talking about natural selection in animals is well regarded until someone applies it to humans

Nothing travels faster than light; but no matter how fast light travels, the darkness always got there first; because darkness is nothing, and nothing travels faster than light.

Nurseries could rent out living pine trees in planters and then take them back at the end of the holiday season.

If Santa is lactose intolerant, we are cruel bastards.

As you get older a year seems shorter because it is a smaller percentage of your life.

The movie Titanic cost more to produce than the construction of Titanic

If someone faked a yawn after farting in a crowded room, others would begin yawning and suck down their fart.

Shopping carts just strewn all over a parking lot shows clearly why trusting people to do something involuntarily will ultimately fail and other people will be left to clean up the mess

Porch pirates could supplement their income by doing unboxing videos

Don’t trust anyone who says you’re not supposed to eat at night. There’s a light in the fridge for a reason.

Boneless chicken wings are a lie! They’re just chicken nuggets renamed so adults feel comfortable ordering them.

There are probably people who genuinely believe that their toy-sized dog was stolen from their fenced-in backyard when actually they were prey for a hawk or an eagle.

Given how we give the bare minimum of food to our pets so that they're not hungry but treat ourselves however we want, they probably see us the same way minimum wage workers see greedy billionaires.