People who take a shit in full view of general public are not giving a shit and giving a shit simultaneously.

The E and Y in the word ‘envy’ are silent

in a perfect world, lawyers wouldnt exist

A pet rock is a great pet, until you realized its essentially immortal, and you have damned it to an eternity of watching loved ones die.

If animals could talk, bestiality rates would probably increase.

When we start colonizing other planets, one planet will likely be discriminated against by the other planets.

The truest genius in MENSA is the one who convinced people to pay a recurring fee to be labeled a genius.

Silence is golden. Until you have kids, then silence is terrifying

Your thirties is your twenties with money.

Instead of colorizing old photos, in the future we’ll be removing dumb filters

Once we achieve colonization of other planets, we will have many 'World Records'.

Cheesecake has no characteristics of a cake but all the characteristics of a pie

If you had 2 people with an innie and outie belly button they could have belly button sex

Your past self adores you, while your future self cringes at you.

Co-workers in movies are also co-workers in real life.

Homophobes aren't afraid of gay people, they're afraid of being gay.

If you’re immortal, everything that happens will eventually be in the first half of your life.

If Woody died, Andy wouldn't have realised and would've carried on playing with his corpse.

Ban is short for banish.

The students that went to school with Harry Potter probably ended up shitty wizards due to all the distractions and crazy stuff that happened through the years.

Going to the gym makes you a fat loser.