A fetish might be the reason you exist

Sign language is the missed opportunity to have made a universal language across the world.

We kill each other arguing over what happens when you die.

You can't actually buy HOT pockets—They're cold pockets... you need to supply the heat yourself. Don't succumb to Nestle's web of lies.

Carnivores love animals too, just a little differently.

You will be pissed off regardless of whether you wake up before, during, or after your alarm sounds.

The most pleasurable things in life involve things either going into or coming out of your body

The pyramids are still standing in Egypt because it wasn't feasible for the Brits to take them to England.

The snooze button is one hell of a drug.

Practice makes perfect but waking up never gets any easier

There's no way to feel dumber than not being able to pass the tutorial level of a game.

Being born increases the chances of death by 100%

Year-end recaps are a cheeky way for companies to tell you they collect and store your data.

Useless facts are the most interesting facts

You've probably met a person who's going to be alive in 2100.

Sex is great, it relieves stress and a great workout, people who relate sex with corrupt or dirty mind is ridiculous.

Tons of marriages and relationships could be saved if people stopped comparing themselves to fake happiness on social media.

You can do Morse code with your penis inside someone by making it twitch. You can probably also do it with your vagina too.

Caillou is the biggest advertising campaign, that condom companies never asked for.

Bycicles are under valued on zombies apocalypses

If you don't stop smoking, smoking will eventually stop you.