If good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell then where do average people go

You win all arguments in your head cause your opponent can't create an argument you haven't thought of.

If a woman was suddenly the last person on earth, she could theoretically save the human race by utilizing sperm banks.

People make references to third world countries, but Earth is the third planet, so aren't all countries third world countries.

People who fail to use turn signals won’t even lift a finger to be safe.

If a Nigerian prince actually needed financial aid, no one would help him.

If humans could talk to animals, most people would likely be vegans.

When you eat candy and drink soda, your body’s probably thinking -‘Where’d you find 10,000 berries!’

Queen Elizabeth saw the palace outfitted with radio, then TV, VCR'S, then CDs and DVDs, dial up internet and wireless internet, and probably a brief laser-disc period in there too.

If you could smell the porn you’re watching, you would lose your boner.

People don't like you if you are either too perfect or too imperfect, meaning there is a perfect balance of imperfections and perfections which you must maintain in order to be likeable.

Privilege is not an abundance of opportunity, it’s an absence of obstacles

You can watch a video about food while shitting, but you can’t watch a video about shit while eating.

Knowing that members of your family are successful in porn would make browsing porn sites nerve wracking.

Your fingers can tell the difference in thickness between 1 and 2 coffee filters, a matter of microns, but can't type out a sentence on a smartphone without making a mistake

Somehow, mankind collectively decided that consuming bee vomit is entirely acceptable. But no other kind.

If Gen Z and Milenials work together, we could automate everything and make every future generation, across the world, have the chance to pursue their actual dreams. That's dope.

If you’re naked in public, it’s probably a better idea to cover your face than your genitals

Jedis could simply turn off their opponents' lightsabers by force pressing the button.

Christmas is more of a deadline than a holiday.

Every man has way more experience giving handjobs than any woman