"resting ur eyes" in the morning after shutting off your alarm is a dangerous game to play

"Don't kid yourself" would make a great condom slogan

Jumping is as useless in real life as it is essential in videogames

Chicken Tinder could be a dating app for nervous and anxious people

one of the laziest things ever named has to be fireplace

Elastigirl can fulfill any fetish Mr. Incredible has

If your date tells you that you're one in a million, she indirectly thinks that there are almost 8,000 people exactly like you

The letter Q doesn’t feel like a mid letter of the alphabet. More like an X, Y, and Z letter.

From saying "Ew" at seeing adults kiss, many of us go a long way to licking buttholes as adults ourselves.

Garbage collectors probably pick up garbage from their own house sometimes

There are men who took dumps bigger than their penises.

The pinnacle of being an adult is not setting an alarm when you take a nap on an off day.

“Nice guys finish last” isn’t dissing on nice guys, it’s about how you are in bed.

Seeing a large spider in your room can be bad, but losing sight of it is worse.

Thinking you are more intelligent than medical experts has become the new litmus test for lack of intelligence.

People think lighthouses are pretty, but they were designed to be repulsive.

Behind everyone who's really good at something are many hours they spent, usually alone, just practicing.

Mimicking accents is only considered bad if the native speakers aren't white.

Comparing apples to apples loses its meaning when you realize there are 7500 varieties of apples out there

Misinformation spreads a lot faster than factual information because misinformation is usually more shocking

Schools advertise their small class sizes when they're trying to increase their class sizes.