Mark Twain's lighthearted quip that "everyone talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it" gets increasingly ominous with every year.
Falling asleep is a transition from pretending to fall asleep to no longer pretending.
Given that early humans were vulnerable to predators during sex, at some point in our history premature ejaculation must have been an evolutionary advantage.
Hearing "You're on mute" is embarrassing but not as much as hearing "You're not on mute".
As much as generations bad mouth participation trophies, they never consider that older generations invented the participation trophy.
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Maybe vampires themselves started the rumor that they don't like garlic, to scare humans into consuming more garlic...thus making unwitting humans taste better.
It was biologically impossible for Edward to have sex with Bella, as he doesn’t have blood running through his veins.
Whoever invented the fire alarm chirp as a method of indicating the battery is low is an asshole.
Our ancestors probably thought masturbation was a sin, because of post nut clarity.
Sex while the car is moving will become much more common with the normalization of self-driving cars
You can legally kick out your own child at 18 with nothing, but be forced to take care of another adult you want nothing to do with after divorce
The moral of the entire Batman mythos is that you never spare the kid.
Uncle sam was so effective because the main thing men want is to be wanted.
After 2019, any zombie movie that’s released will probably feature deniers, conspiracy theorists, and maybe even anti-science fringe groups. For authenticity.
It’s sadly ironic, that while a book and coffee is a wonderful combination, few things ruin a book faster than spilled coffee.
Only two years ago the stupidest people you’d ever heard of were flat earthers.
biting your tongue is an example of how things can go wrong even with years of experience
A country's flag is technically their logo, and the national anthem is their theme song.
An everything bagel is proof that you can seemingly have it all and still have a hole inside you
People who believe in astrology must not believe in a fetus being alive even one day before birth, because the day of birth is used in charting.