Life is the process of replacing one set of problems with another until you die
If ghosts really exist and can kill you, the first few seconds after they do will be really awkward for all involved.
There’s someone sitting in your kindergarten chair and thinks it’s their chair
If you are feeling guilty about something you did in the past, it's not so much that you are worried that you did that, it's that you are worried you are still that person in your past.
Theory: The reason men’s pants pockets are larger is so we can discreetly rearrange our twig and berries. Being able to hold more stuff is an unintended benefit.
The real “conspiracies” that are impacting people’s lives are happening in plain sight. But folks drift to the outlandish conspiracy theories because solving the real conspiracies takes work, sacrifice, commitment and they don’t fit cleanly in a predefined narrative.
"It's OK to be not OK" is usually followed by the suggestion to get help, cause it's really not OK.
Death is paradox. It makes everything meaningless while it also gives meaning to everything.
Rappers just do that thing where you replay an argument in your head to make yourself sound cooler
Basing your high-school expectations on teen films is as stupid as basing your sex expectations on porn
Technically you receive a participation trophy when you get your birth certificate
If it weren’t for clocks on stoves, almost nobody would know if the power went out during the night
Having sex is the only thing in life where you'll be more respected as an amateur than you will be as a professional.
Girls wear bikinis that leave about 98% of their bodies uncovered, and yet guys tend to only look at the covered parts.
The fast and furious movie saga is the high budget version of the "and then and then and then" stories children tell.
The reason zombies sneak up and surprise people is because the humans are deaf from firing guns with no ear protection.
With the growing complexity of prosthetics and bionics, the Paralympics are gonna become way more interesting than the regular Olympics