Shower Thoughts 🚿
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Expiration dates are literal spoiler alerts.
Getting angry at a person for saying β€œsorry” too much will only result in said behavior continuing.
The Dodo is extinct because it was flightless and delicious. The Chicken is the most populous bird in the world for the same reasons.
The most impressive gender reveal stunt possible is pulling one live human out of another live human and everyone finding out simultaneously what gender the newly emerged person is.
You can walk East or West in one direction forever, but if you were to walk North or South, you’d eventually change directions
Taco Bell is missing out on an opportunity to come out with a Chalupacabra for Halloween.
Telling someone to have a nice day is friendly. Telling someone to have a nice life is negative. There's a temporal range where the longer you wish someone well, the less friendly the wish is.
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"Get your shit together" could be a good slogan for a probiotic yogurt.
FB conspiracy groups did to some of our parents just what they thought video games will do to us.
If every person on Earth died, then the internet would just be filled with bots posting random stuff.
Unemployment would go down if people didn't have to submit a resume then fill out all the same info on the application.
From 1988 until 2012 there was no year where there were not two of the same digit.
Porn is the only film genre where you can start watching it from any point and your experience won't be ruined for not watching it from the start
If vampires announced themselves to the world there'd be enough groupies willing to give up their blood that they'd never have to hunt again.
It'd be funny if you agreed to pose nude while Bob Ross painted, but when he shows you the finished product it's just one of his trademark landscape paintings and you being nude was just for kicks.
The month of May sucks because it's the month you realize it's not seasonal depression.
If the chicken evolved from egg laying dinosaurs then it’s kinda obvious that the egg came first.
When your parachute malfunctions, you have the rest of your life to fix it
If adam and eve were the first humans did they have bellybuttons
People might be more embarrassed if someone checked their calculator history rather than their browsing history.
Gummy Worms took bones of animals and shape them to resemble an animal without any bones