That small period between almost falling asleep and completely falling asleep is pure bliss.

Everyone commits petty crimes sooner or later and most get way with it no harm no foul, but poverty attracts cops so poor people end up getting caught for something everyone does.

Archeology is socially acceptable grave robbing

Masturbation is one of the most shared past times of humanity.

The “leave Brittany alone” person was right

House flies have existed far longer than houses.

Constantly having your hope raised by the recording telling you that you are still on hold is way more annoying than just being on hold in the first place

There are no saggy tits in space.

Sea creatures probably think scuba divers are UFOs

You never really realize how bad you are at sweeping until you mop.

You can guess someone's generation by asking them what actor plays Batman or James Bond

If you ever find yourself saying, “The customer is always right” There is a good chance you are wrong.

Modern tractors use medieval technology(plowing), powered by industrial-age technology(internal combustion), guided by 21st century technology(GPS) to complete the world’s second oldest job.

If there was ever a gateway drug it's probably booze.

Humanity is on a quest to get itself to behave properly before it kills itself due to its bad behavior

State farm could probably offer even better rates to everyone if the company wasn't spending so much money on multiple celebrities in the commercials.

Approximately 108 billion humans have lived on Planet Earth in totality. 100 billion didn’t make it out alive.

It seems like whenever you clip your fingernails you are quickly confronted with a task that would have been way easier to accomplish if you had longer nails

Putting your phone down is the ultimate compliment to a TV show or movie.

When immortality is a thing, some jobs will require a thousand years of experience

Rupert Grint sounds more like a Harry Potter character than Ron Weasley.