Batman could prevent more crime by investing money into Arkham Asylum security measures.

Everybody wants to die happy, but when they're happy, nobody wants to die.

You are one in a million really needs to be updated to one in a billion

Companies ask for 2 week notices to quit a job, but don't offer any notice when letting you go.

Countless different versions of yourself exist in the minds of everyone who's ever met you

The first OnlyFans model to produce content in zero-gravity is going to actually have men looking at her nudes only for scientific purposes.

Don't use the restroom in your dreams. It's a set up.

That small period between almost falling asleep and completely falling asleep is pure bliss.

Everyone commits petty crimes sooner or later and most get way with it no harm no foul, but poverty attracts cops so poor people end up getting caught for something everyone does.

Archeology is socially acceptable grave robbing

Masturbation is one of the most shared past times of humanity.

The “leave Brittany alone” person was right

House flies have existed far longer than houses.

Constantly having your hope raised by the recording telling you that you are still on hold is way more annoying than just being on hold in the first place

There are no saggy tits in space.

Sea creatures probably think scuba divers are UFOs

You never really realize how bad you are at sweeping until you mop.

You can guess someone's generation by asking them what actor plays Batman or James Bond

If you ever find yourself saying, “The customer is always right” There is a good chance you are wrong.

Modern tractors use medieval technology(plowing), powered by industrial-age technology(internal combustion), guided by 21st century technology(GPS) to complete the world’s second oldest job.

If there was ever a gateway drug it's probably booze.