The Big Bang might’ve been a gender reveal for other beings beyond the cosmos as we know it

Seeing as how humans have acquired the evolutionary response to have the penis withdraw into the body during extreme cold suggests: Somewhere in our genetic lineage, someone literally froze their dick off.

Buzzfeed articles all seem as if they are were slapped together by someone who forgot a deadline while procrastinating on another deadline.

If Mars ever does get colonized it will eventually have its own accent

The first orgy in space could be referred to as the Big Bang.

In 2030 “back in the 20s” will no longer work to reference the 1920s.

Junk is what you keep until the day before you need it.

We have a bunch Wi-Fi connected smart appliances but no one makes a microwave that can send you a text when it's done instead of beeping like an asshole.

"Don't judge a book by it's cover" is offensive to people who's job it is to design book covers

Future generations are going to dumbfounded that we used up most of our limited supply of helium (a very useful element) filling up colorful rubber bags and letting them float away

As you get older, peer pressure turns from more serious issues into seeing your neighbours putting up their Christmas Lights and mowing their lawns

The moral of the Tortoise and the Hare is not “slow and steady wins the race”. It’s “don’t blow your lead by showboating”.

The biggest irony of catcalling is that women would wear less if men didn’t do it

Onions are the bass players of your meals: You don't notice when they're present, you notice immediately when they're absent.

Human intelligence seems almost completely without limit. In both directions.

You can beat cancer as many times as you can, but cancer only has to win once.

It's weird that "underneath" is a word but "overbove" is not.

Don't be ashamed of who you are. That's your parents' job.

As you grow up, your fear of ghosts at night is slowly replaced by robbers and burglaries.

We make things intended for multiple uses, like clothing, out if materials that break down over a few years, while we make things intended for only a single use out of materials that take thousands of years to break down.

Cats and dogs deserve way more credit than humans give them. While they have to endure their owners constantly talking, arguing, crying, singing, etc.with no breaks from it, humans will do whatever it takes to get their cat or dog to be quiet after just a few barks or meows.