People who get punished for lying, are being punished for being bad liars
All markers are scented markers, but most of them are scented like markers
We can wait in line for 10 minutes for fast food and it's no big deal, but 10 minutes of traffic is the end of the fucking world.
If we find oil on another planet it will simultaneously be the greatest and most terrifying moment of our history.
A man being turned on by his own flaccid penis would make for the most frustrating kink
Automatically opening doors must be a pain for superheroes with super speed
In cyborgs, there’s no reason why the human brain has to be in the head.
If the staff at McDonald's all wore black armbands when the ice cream machine was broken, it would save a lot of unnecessary explaining.
The reason people hate cats and love dogs is because dogs were our first lesson in love, but cats were our first lesson in consent. Cats will mess you up if they don’t want to be touched. You can’t force them to want to be petted until they are ready and agree to it.
Since -é is the French male ending and -ée is the female one, we may conclude that Beyoncé is actually a French dude.
The reason advertisers for things like Redbull and Skittles can make their adds so weird is that they don't have to sell you the product, they just have to remind you that it exists.
Someone, throughout the history of mankind, has probably drowned in the same water you just drank.
Infertility is hereditary, in that if your parents didn't have kids, you won't either.
Listening to the news is the most efficient way to provoke yourself into unwarranted anger.
If Sally sold shells somewhere else she would have made a greater profit.
If someone actually made a dick enhancement drug no one would believe it because of all the scams before it