Getting caught robbing a restaurant can get you years of free meals.

You rarely hear from people who are deeply satisfied in life, probably because they don't feel the need to seek attention and/or tell everybody

The fattest, laziest, most professional way to eat a pizza is to put the box on your lap backwards, open the lid and use it as a bib by tucking it under your chin while you eat.

When a boss does the least amount of work possible for the maximum payment possible, it's considered a smart business move. When an employee does the same, it's considered lazy.

Most natural born citizens would fail their own countries citizenship test.

Cumming is so effective at changing a persons mood, that life had to implement a cool down timer onto it; as to not make life too enjoyable.

Your dog probably hates school or work more than you do

Having a kid ultimately makes you responsible for their death

When you buy a half of sandwich from the store you are sharing a meal with a complete stranger

The ability to ask for help is an enormously unrated skill.

Two people could be born at the exact same moment but have a different birthdate depending on their timezones.

It's ironic that the Great Wall was built to keep outsiders out, but became a tourist attraction.

It's important to work hard your whole life so that when you retire you can afford the treatment to deal with the mental and physical pain caused by a lifetime of hard work

Screaming "CALM DOWN" at someone has to be ‘bout the most counterproductive way of going about achieving that desired outcome.

The biggest criminals write the laws rather than break them

Police are not a replacement for common decency. Citizens need to do their part, too.

If we were immortal, we would probably search for the fountain of death instead of the fountain of youth.

A sperm cell has 760 megabytes of DNA data. Sex then is a data transfer of 200,000 terabytes.

People who label two photos of the same coffin "poor people" and "rich people" implying everyone ends up in the same place have no idea how much funerals cost.

In the future, when interstellar travel is practical, nerds with a lot of money are going to be riding around in fully functional replicas of the Millennium Falcon or the U.S.S. Enterprise

You know your old when you clean your house to the music you use to get drunk too.