If you’re rich enough, the entire museum is a gift shop.

Celebrities probably never meet their best / most likable fans since such people are well adjusted and not likely to go above and beyond to meet their idols, and instead celebs have to deal with crazed "super fans" that interract neurotically and leave them with an unpleasant vibe.

If a character in a movie takes off a motorcycle helmet, there is a 99% chance it will be a woman.

The reason we think we are so funny is because we have the same sense of humor as ourselves

If sleeping a good chunk of our day wasn't a biological imperative we'd probably be expected to work 18 hours a day and be grateful for the opportunity

People spawned on earth with literally just rocks and sticks and we made Bluetooth out of that.. wack

Whenever you want to watch something specific, it’s never on any of the streaming sites you already pay for.

It's in our nature to gorge ourselves when food is available, save energy if we can, and spawn children. Lazy people who lie around all day eating Doritos and popping out children are acting perfectly in accordance with human nature.

The “world least famous person” competition is impossible to win twice in a row

The fact that nothing special happens when the planets align is kind of a letdown.

The upside to owning a jeep is that you never have to wash it, because if it gets dirty you just look more legit

It's weird that everyone who dies was "a kind person adored and beloved by so many". Assholes never die apparently.

All shoes are a foot long despite the actual length of the feet.

Losing a tooth as a child is exciting and financially rewarding. Losing a tooth as an adult is horrifying and expensive.

The cops and soldiers wearing the Punisher Logo are exactly the people the Punisher would hunt

People might watch less porn if you add jump scares in them

British cuisine is having food from the entire world on your plate and pronouncing none of it correctly

By weight, Lego is one of the most expensive building materials.

Falling into a routine to the point that your body and mind goes on autopilot every day can be one of the most dangerous things a person can allow to happen to themselves

The reason your brain automatically translates wtf but not lol is because wtf isn’t easy to pronounce

Eyelashes' purpose are to protect your eyes from anything getting caught in them, yet the most common thing to get caught in your eyes are eyelashes.