We stopped natural selection yet we wonder how it's possible that there are so many dumb people around
Your internal monologue volume is set, so no matter if you scream as loud as possible, or make the quietest whisper, in your mind they are the same.
It would blow George Washington’s mind to know how many major decisions have been made flipping his head
If we gave people 1000 hrs of community service instead of $1000 fine it would probably be more effective at cleaning up litter.
In the Lion King all animals except insects could talk because they didn’t want you to hear the brutal screams as Timon and Pumbaa massacred the bugs
“Waiting for Marriage” is probably common only because people were getting married in their early 20s.
Celebrities probably never meet their best / most likable fans since such people are well adjusted and not likely to go above and beyond to meet their idols, and instead celebs have to deal with crazed "super fans" that interract neurotically and leave them with an unpleasant vibe.
If a character in a movie takes off a motorcycle helmet, there is a 99% chance it will be a woman.
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The reason we think we are so funny is because we have the same sense of humor as ourselves
If sleeping a good chunk of our day wasn't a biological imperative we'd probably be expected to work 18 hours a day and be grateful for the opportunity
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People spawned on earth with literally just rocks and sticks and we made Bluetooth out of that.. wack
Whenever you want to watch something specific, it’s never on any of the streaming sites you already pay for.
It's in our nature to gorge ourselves when food is available, save energy if we can, and spawn children. Lazy people who lie around all day eating Doritos and popping out children are acting perfectly in accordance with human nature.
The “world least famous person” competition is impossible to win twice in a row
The fact that nothing special happens when the planets align is kind of a letdown.
The upside to owning a jeep is that you never have to wash it, because if it gets dirty you just look more legit
It's weird that everyone who dies was "a kind person adored and beloved by so many". Assholes never die apparently.
Losing a tooth as a child is exciting and financially rewarding. Losing a tooth as an adult is horrifying and expensive.