In a relationship, the easiest way to lose is to keep score.

Chopsticks are useless for chopping food.

Saturday morning cartoons weren't for the kids. They were for the parents that wanted to sleep in or bang.

Not wanting your shoes to get dirty defeats the entire purpose of wearing shoes

There is always a shark outside your room, it's just a question of how far outside.

You are probably on some random persons camera roll in the background of one of their photos.

Skulls in movies always have perfect teeth, even when they come from times with no dental care.

An unskippable 5-second advertisement feels longer than skipping an ad after 5 seconds

People criticise hunting as a cruel sport, yet the meat it produces comes from an animal that had a far better life than any farmed animal could.

Influencers are to celebrities what crack is to cocaine.

Nowadays, less and less kids will know the joy of finding accidentally dropped paper money while being outside.

Thank goodness dogs pant instead of sweat.

Zoom meeting wear is almost a clothing mullet, business on the top and party of the bottom.

Movie Trailers are technically just approved movie spoilers.

Bill Burr probably goes by Bill because Will Burr would get oinked at when being heckled.

If you stack a cake on top of another cake, there is still only one cake.

I'm not sure what's more amazing, the fact that humans have walked on the moon, or the fact that some people don't believe it.

You never really know how much fun you're having until you look back at that same moment years later

There's always a person posting "There's always a [thing] outside your room, it's just a question of how far" comments outside your room, it's just a question of how far.

People who cope with bad situations by making jokes are being comic relief for themselves

The Egyptians are lucky the pyramids are so large, because if not, the Romans or the British would surely have stolen them long ago...