Someone's parent may have used you as a bad example for their kids.

It’s been a great year for people with pretty eyes and bad teeth

Valentine’s Day is an unnecessary toll imposed on relationships that does nothing to enrich the relationship when heeded, but everything to damage it when ignored.

Homophobic people are probably just afraid of gay people because monsters come out of closets and gay people also come out of closets

If there indeed are almost infinite alternate universes, many of them probably have little to no difference from our universe.

Plenty of couples probably have a worse Valentine’s Day than single people.

The popularity of superbowl advertisements proves that people don't necessarily hate ads, they hate long, uncreative, poorly targeted ones.

The fact that bodies decompose and rot after they die just shows how much our bodies do to keep us alive from contaminates.

Overthinking something is just your own mind gaslighting itself

The world's greatest masseuse will never get the world's greatest massage

Happiness is a drug, your brain is a drug dealer, and your life situation and your thoughts are the currency he accepts.

Clark Kent is probably uncircumcised unless they somehow acquired kryptonite tools

The Earth is a battle royale game between all species, but humans discovered friendly fire is enabled so they're all trolling

Western people condemn some Asians for eating dogs because we think they’re cute, while we eat 60 million metric tons of a sacred animal to a major population every year

Life is a game where you get so deep into the side quests you forget the main quest.

Villains would win a lot more often if they’d just set the bomb timer 1 second shorter

We have a generation of adults, thankful their teen years weren't online, publically shaming and sharing their parenting journey/minors lives online.

Lighting a candle you bought is watching your money burn.

We make fun of poor / white trash / redneck / hillbilly etc. by saying they are "inbred". But the richest most power people on the planet (royalty, nobility, etc.) have been inbreeding on purpose for centuries.

If you put an Alexa on top of a roomba, you would basically have a prototype of Rosie from the Jetsons.

Asking a friend out is the "double or nothing" option.