Muppets have front facing eyes, and are therefore predators

Most Ads on PornHub actually tell you to stop watching porn and meet real women

Superheros wear capes because they are not comfortable showing their ass in tights

Doing nothing and doing too much are both considered "not having life".

Web sites tell you "We value your privacy" and then continue and list all the ways they will violate your privacy

A drop of water in a cup of milk doesn't change much but a drop of milk in a cup of water does

Kids who get mad in video games are the type of people who get mad in traffic as adults.

If men are trash then blowjobs are junk food.

Flamethrowers are rapid fire weapons

The first sip of a drink is better than the rest

In the first Harry Potter the security for the philosopher's stone was so weak it was broken by eleven year old kids and these people still kept their jobs

Patience is not ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.

That one guy from Superman was way too enthusiastic about seeing a bird.

One often overlooked but very important aspects of evolution is that our arms are exactly long enough for us to wipe our own ass.

You can’t date someone half your age until you’re 36

If you die when paragliding people won’t notice until you hit something or the ground, and they’ll think that was the cause of death.

For a split second, you were the youngest human on the planet.

The Simpsons have owned the same vehicles for 30 years and are still no closer to financial independence.

If the “many worlds” hypothesis of infinite realities is correct, there are realities which differ from each other by something as a subtle as a single sub-atomic particle across all of Creation.

Lex Luthor got cancer from kryptonite. Therefore, kryptonite is his kryptonite.

It isn't until you die that your skeleton finally hatches.