As a kid, being told to never speak to strangers but also be nice to the new kid in class is very contradictory

If we ever discover the secret to immortality, there will be hundreds of people who die the day before its released.

Some people die while waiting on another season of their favorite show and die without ever knowing what happens next

Cartoon logic implies that if you get a full night sleep, you'll have a completely shaved face. But in the same logic if you stay up and get no rest, you'll magically grow facial hair.

Night tornadoes must be 10 times more terrifying because you can't see them.

If you told someone in the '80s that in the near future everyone would spend all day staring at their telephone, they would think you were insane.

One reason why people might feel sadder seeing a dog killed in a movie might be the fact dogs do not deserve to be in the crossfire of human conflict.

When robots rule, the Captcha will make you click, "I am a robot."

There’s a high chance that the stars you see at night don’t even exist.

If humans could fly, but it took the same effort as running, we'd probably still drive most places.

Because criminals cannot serve on juries it is impossible for a criminal to face a jury of their peers.

Batman only fights crime at night because if he did it during the day he'd get tan lines.

People would eat the crust on the pizza more if the crust was made into garlic bread instead

Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody know how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

If a mute (or deaf) person is missing a finger, they have a speech impediment.

Your cat would kill you if you were smaller than it.

People act like OCD is a character trait and not a disorder

There are millions of people who justify being shitty because the world is shitty who are responsible for the world being shitty because they act shitty because they think the world is shitty.

If there was an outfit that exposed what a bikini covers but covers what a bikini exposes, it would show less skin but be deemed more inappropiate.

Santa is a real asshole for bringing rich kids more expensive gifts.

No one can be really sure that dying while sleeping is a peaceful death.