Sometimes an employee’s most impressive efforts for a company are when they are fixing a mistake they hope their boss never finds out about.

It's amazing that we live in such a world that clean drinking water is so readily available that we shit in it.

We can see the past but we can’t travel to it, we can’t see the future but we can travel to it

Instead of counting seconds with Mississippi, you could use Mothafucka

If you talk about how good of a person you are you're probably a piece of shit.

Those who demand respect are the same ones who fail to realise they aren’t getting any because they haven’t earned it.

‘No.’ , ‘No’ and ‘no’ really hit different when texting

If you look like your mum you are technically your dad's type

Warhammer models must be terrifying in the Toy Story Universe

Your handwriting is your own unique untitled font.

Our ancestors probably imagined catching animals in their heads like we imagine winning arguments with people inside of our heads.

In a world without friction, you can't wipe your ass. But you also don't have to.

A child that murders and a murderer of children are both child murderers.

Pretending we can't see camo is a universal inside joke, and it will never get old

The calorie count for a slice of Swiss cheese depends on the holes.

You don’t need a heater if you have a crappy enough pc

thousands of years ago, humans drew dicks on cave walls and in modern day we drew a dick on the surface of mars. No matter where humanity goes, the dick jokes will always stay.

In the age of Internet a child can know more than Wan Shi Tong, "He Who Knows Ten Thousand Things"

Medieval sex must have smelled terrible.

The fact that Jean Luc Picard, his brother Robert, and their whole family have English accents tells us at some point before the 24th century England finally conquered France.

A lot of country music is men explaining how horny they are.