You either die or get to live long enough to see all the people you love die.

Computers are the only thing in the Universe that freeze as they get hot

we are artificially selecting 4-leaf clovers out of existence.

Being cold is better than being hot because you can find ways to warm up, but when you are hot you just have to sit and live with it.

We can easily recognize basic clothing from a hundred years ago, but no one in Star Wars could recognize the clothing of the Jedi, who ruled the galaxy for 4,000 years, just a decade after their fall.

Drop a live lobster into boiling water, you're a chef. Do the same thing to a live cat and you're a monster.

The fake "x" button in mobile game ads is the greatest betrayal in someone's life

Sometimes an employee’s most impressive efforts for a company are when they are fixing a mistake they hope their boss never finds out about.

It's amazing that we live in such a world that clean drinking water is so readily available that we shit in it.

We can see the past but we can’t travel to it, we can’t see the future but we can travel to it

Instead of counting seconds with Mississippi, you could use Mothafucka

If you talk about how good of a person you are you're probably a piece of shit.

Those who demand respect are the same ones who fail to realise they aren’t getting any because they haven’t earned it.

‘No.’ , ‘No’ and ‘no’ really hit different when texting

If you look like your mum you are technically your dad's type

Warhammer models must be terrifying in the Toy Story Universe

Your handwriting is your own unique untitled font.

Our ancestors probably imagined catching animals in their heads like we imagine winning arguments with people inside of our heads.

In a world without friction, you can't wipe your ass. But you also don't have to.

A child that murders and a murderer of children are both child murderers.

Pretending we can't see camo is a universal inside joke, and it will never get old