It's strange how there are billions of solar systems out there and the Miss Universe is always an earthling.
It’s entirely possible all or part of you might be a fossil in an “Earth” museum on another planet.
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When people think about reincarnation, they imagine they'll become a wolf, ant, dog or an animal like that, but they never imagine they'll reincarnate in some unknown form of life billions of light years away or in an other dimension
Old people think the younger generation isn't as polite as in their day. But really its just that no one is trying to have sex with them anymore.
If spiders, mice and rats realised how many people are afraid of them, they would probably dominate the world
There’s nothing like individually wrapped candies to let you know exactly how many you’ve eaten.
Two grown adults calling each other "shithead" isn't that far off from two kindergarteners calling each other "poopyhead."
Mr. Fantastic and Elastigirl would either have the wildest or weirdest sex together
If we master space travel it’s inevitable that someone will make a real millennium falcon from Star Wars and the Enterprise from Star Trek.
You use math in the real world when helping your kid with their homework.
Since cats probably assume we can see in the dark, they probably think we’re kicking and stepping on them on purpose when we can’t spot them in a dark hallway or room.
Nothing's more stressful than trying to relax while everyone else around you is working.
A year for an 84 year old is the same as a month for a 7 year old (Its the same fraction of their life).
If you do the same thing for 8 hours a day, that's madness, but if you get paid for it, then it's a job
It is acceptable for you to offer to watch a stranger's child for payment, but inappropriate to offer to do so for free.