If prison is really about rehabilitation then there wouldn’t be a life sentence

Everyone talks about how much they would miss the sun as a vampire, but no one talks about how much it would suck to never eat garlic again

Having a phone charger that only works at a certain angle is more frustrating than just having a broken charger

a bus has 4 seats and an aisle in the middle, yet still fits in the same lane as a car

Some people treat retail & fast food workers how gamers treat NPCs.

If you sold cocaine, you’d know that 36 grams is too much sugar to be putting in soft drinks.

"I don't have cable TV" went from sounding poor to practical within ten years

People who have worked in retail or restaurant jobs are probably more skilled in deescalation than many police officers

Confidence is doing a cross word puzzle with a pen.

Flavored Seltzer water tastes like TV static mixed with someone yelling you the flavor from another room

Given the number of droids in Star Wars one of them has to be named WD-40.

You know a porn video is good when you still find it attractive after ejaculating.

"Eat shit and die" is either a very strong insult or a synopsis of life, depending on the commas

If everyone was nude, there would probably be pubic hair fashion.

News channels start by saying “Good Morning”, then proceed to tell us why it isn’t.

It’s super creepy that you spent 1/3 of your life willingly unconscious in a dark room.

If rat poison can be used to kill people, it's just poison

If you get one leg cut off, your BMI goes way down, but if you get the other one cut off, your BMI goes way back up.

The Z and the Y in crazy can be swapped and still sound the same

If you had telekinesis you could jerk off your friends until they came and they'd have no idea what was happening.

Hundreds of spiders die in house fires