Going to school or work really helps in remembering what day of the week it is. [link]
Having money and friends is cool and all, but you know you are living your best life when your pee is as clear as water and you are super hydrated. [link]
"The human brain is the most complex organ in the human body"- quote from the human brain. [link]
If somebody says they don't pee in the shower, you have to wonder what else they lie about. [link]
You have only 1 birthday, the rest are congratulations for surviving. [link]
Horoscopes are excuses for shitty people to rationalize their behavior [link]
If someone bets with you that you are going to die, you either win or don't need the money anymore [link]
Here's a wholesome one: if you have cringed when thinking about something you did in the past, you have grown as a person. [link]
Most shirts have a tiny cape in them if you turn them inside out [link]
Nails take 40+ years to decompose, so every nail you've clipped is still out there somewhere [link]
Major part of parenting is pretending to be excited by very boring things. [link]
It's considered normal to talk to your pets but if you talk to birds in public all of a sudden you're some crazy person [link]
Nobody actually reads the rules for Monopoly, unless a fight occurs. [link]
There are probably people that are supremely, groundbreakingly gifted in a particular field/sport that will never be discovered because they have never been exposed to it [link]
The 2nd biggest loser in the world is more of a loser than the 1st biggest loser [link]
It’s definitely possible that two best friends in real life unknowingly hate each other online [link]
If your job involves a lot of fake moaning, being mostly naked, and rubbing your sweaty body againt a bunch of other sweaty bodies while other people watch, you might be a pro wrestler. [link]