There's nothing more hurtful than a cat immediately washing the spot where you just pet it. [link]
Could probably feed a small country with all that uneaten pizza in porn. [link]
It’s a state of suspense between your last hiccup and realizing it stopped. [link]
You're either uglier or more attractive than you think, you can never be sure. [link]
The solution to the Trolley Problem is simple. Simply put the lever dead center and the trolley derails killing no one. Never send a philosopher to do an engineer's work. [link]
“Old McDonald” gets a lot darker when you realize everything is past tense. [link]
There is something about the color combination of purple and teal that screams 1990s. [link]
Walking around unmasked people feels weirder than walking around masked people. [link]
The person who discovered coffee is indirectly responsible for a lot of other discoveries and inventions [link]
Going to school or work really helps in remembering what day of the week it is. [link]
Having money and friends is cool and all, but you know you are living your best life when your pee is as clear as water and you are super hydrated. [link]
"The human brain is the most complex organ in the human body"- quote from the human brain. [link]
If somebody says they don't pee in the shower, you have to wonder what else they lie about. [link]
You have only 1 birthday, the rest are congratulations for surviving. [link]
Horoscopes are excuses for shitty people to rationalize their behavior [link]
If someone bets with you that you are going to die, you either win or don't need the money anymore [link]
Here's a wholesome one: if you have cringed when thinking about something you did in the past, you have grown as a person. [link]