There's a fair chance someone thought of something revolutionary but then assumed it must've occurred to someone else before. [link]
Most people know so little that if they were sent into the past they wouldn’t be able to invent things any quicker. [link]
If you cover a sausage with a lambskin condom and insert it into your anus, you will have three layers of intestine inside you [link]
Men are usually deemed sexy by the layers of clothing they wear, like a suit, whilst women are deemed sexy by how little clothing they wear. [link]
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Dreams suck. You either get a really good one and wake up and feel sad that all of that wasn’t real, or get a bad one that scares you all night. [link]
There must be Americans who pretend to be Canadians when travelling abroad to be treated better. [link]
A gallon of chocolate milk contains slightly less milk than a gallon of white milk. [link]
A 12 year old hanging out with a 15 year old seems like a really cool kid. 15 year old hanging out with a 12 year old seems pretty weird [link]
Fights at Halloween parties are the closest thing we'll ever get to real-life Super Smash Bros [link]
The most stared at wall in history is probably behind the most used urinal in history. [link]
As you get older, being asked to come over and play goes from being seen as exciting, to cringe-worthy, then exciting again [link]
We make fun of snails because they're slow, but we're never aware when they suddenly show up. [link]
Children are probably more disappointed by the fact that you can't walk on clouds than the fact that santa isn't real [link]
Boomers started the Monopoly game with an open board. Millennials started with everything already owned [link]
Having your dream job can be ruined by bad coworkers. Having a horrible job can be saved by great coworkers. [link]
The rest of the states look at Florida in the same way the rest of the world looks at the entire US [link]
Doing drugs at 1 AM is less frowned upon than doing drugs at 10 AM [link]
If magic spells were in English instead of Latin, Harry potter wouldve been really cringy. [link]
People who take pictures of themselves meditating and doing yoga have entirely missed the point. [link]