We all agreed on a spiritual level that blood tasted like iron without tasting iron.
If you fall into water and don't know how to swim you have the rest of your life to learn
All things considered, it’s pretty lucky we don’t have to pay a subscription fee to have an email address.
If ghosts existed they would constantly have to chase Earth as they wouldn't be affected by gravity
Deadpool is an infinite source of food; you can eat his limbs then they will grow back.
An actual smart TV would keep the volume at the same level no matter what's happening on the screen.
Skin is the only vital organ that people don’t freak out about when it gets cut.
Pornhub singlehandedly ruined the word hub and the black and orange color scheme
Doofenshmirtz isn’t incompetent; he *plans* his inventions to fail. Why? Because it was never about the inator. He just wanted Perry to show up so he could talk to him about his past struggles. It’s how he overcomes his trauma, it’s therapy.
Dropping your phone on the ground with the screen side down is the modern Schrodinger's Cat.
Sneezing with a mask on feels like shitting your pants with your face.
Drug tests are the only tests where having less knowledge of the subject makes you more likely to pass.
If man a is seen naked in his living room by a woman, he’s a pervert. If a woman is seen naked in her living room by a man, he’s a pervert.
Dogs always expect us to share our food with them but look at us weird when we get close to their bowl
When Rogue One (2016) came out, it was the first Star Wars film not to have an opening crawl. The story itself was the opening crawl for the original Star Wars (1977) film.
Maybe dad jokes aren't caused by having kids. Maybe dad jokes are what attract women to future dads.
If you dropped an ant off a skyscraper, it would just have a nice view for a few minutes, then land and be on its merry way.
Drug cartels are paying better taxes than Amazon because they want their money laundry look clean