If you have to wear a wristband that says it, you’re not a VIP.

One day, when millenials take over, instead of sick days we will have "I can't even" days and our bosses will approve them by saying "it do be like that"

There will eventually be one person who was born on Mars, grew up on Mars, and believes that Mars is flat.

At some point, someone decided that yelling WOOOO was a pretty good way to verbalize enthusiasm, and everybody just went with it.

saying to a tall person "how tall are you? Do you play basketball?" is socially acceptable but saying to a fat person "how fat are you? do you play sumo?" is not

A curse word was probably not invented by the person who said it first, but the first one to be offended by it.

Adults may get to do more things, but kids can run out of the house without a wallet, phone, or keys and not instantly panic.

A curse word was probably not invented by the person who said it first, but the first one to be offended by it.

Indian phone scammers have completely ruined cold calling for anyone with an Indian accent.

The first "domesticated" cat probably just walked straight up to a human and sat on them for warmth, thus began a strange partnership over ten thousand years ago.

When people pierce their baby's ears, they have decided that it's okay to harm their child for purely aesthetic reasons.

Villians would have had a much higher advantage over the Heroes if they never told them their intentions

No is a future tense, No-no-no-no is a present tense, and Noooooo is a past tense for dog owners.

Having the same hair length, a man is said to have long hair while a woman is said to have short hair

Because of contraceptives, evolution is now in favor of those being irresponsible.

When astronauts return with moon rocks and other extraterrestrial substances, the earth becomes a little bit heavier.

Humans are the plastic of the animal kingdom. Incredibly versatile and good in a lot of situations, but generally lacking specialisation and slowly killing the planet.

Calling a kid “kid” sounds fine, but calling an adult “adult” sounds weird.

The inside of our bodies is pitch black, no light. We are full of darkness, like edgy teens.

Both the answers to the question, 'Are we alone in the universe?' is equally scary.

If you aren't the sharpest tool in the shed, you can still be the hoe.