If guys sent pictures of their abs to girls instead of dick pics, they would have a higher chance of getting laid.

The problem with coffee is that you have to make coffee before you’ve had coffee

If your gf's dad says "Whatever you'll do to her, I'll do to you" but you're bisexual, it's a win-win situation.

Elastigirl is probably the only one who could safely have sex with Mr.Incredible

Introverts want to be alone, but they don't want to be left alone.

One day we're probably going to have Google Moon and Google Mars.

the sun that you see is the exact one that everyone in history has ever seen

You probably pulled your pants up more often than down.

You can find someone attractive while not being attracted to them.

Candle wax just disappears into thin air and nobody says a fucking thing about it.

When alarms go off they are actually turning on

There’s nothing stopping us from all making MySpace accounts and completely resurrecting the site

Colonising the moon would cost about 30B and take about 10 years to complete, yet the billionaires are buying yachts.

Depression makes you an NPC in your own life.

Usain Bolt at his peak would have the fastest car in the Flintstones universe

If you make $50,000/yr and have a drink in the middle of a work day you’re an alcoholic. If you make $5,000,000/yr and you have a drink in the middle of a work day you’re sophisticated.

You're just the last sperm out of billions to die.

You can't feel every hair on your body, but one hair in your mouth is immediately noticable

Death is one of the only things every person experiences but we’ll never be able to discuss what it feel like with anyone

Humans are the only species who decided that water was too boring as a beverage to keep us alive.

The brain is technically just electric meat