Muffins are to cupcakes as smoothies are to milkshakes

If catgirls were real, they wouldn’t like you any more than normal girls do.

If the oceans produce most of the planted oxygen than why are we focusing on tree restoration instead of ocean restoration

The girl scouts have just morphed into a cookie selling organization that can legally exploit child labor

If humans spoon we talk about a big spoon and a small spoon, but only 2 identical spoons fit together perfectly

We have to add foot pedals to toilet lids like they have on trash cans.

Scooby Doo movies are great because you know the dog isn't going to die.

Someone has probably beaten an imaginary version of you in an argument while in the shower.

You know you're an addict when you stop doing it to feel good and instead do it to feel normal.

Being attracted to people who wear glasses is the complete opposite of what natural selection stands for.

Tofu and a dildo are both alternative meats

Bad puns make people cringe because they deal psychic damage.

Someone needs to invent a microwave which scans the barcode of your food and cooks it the way it's supposed to be cooked

It’s super easy to kill cancer, it’s not killing the patient that’s the tricky part.

The song "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus" is about Dad wearing a costume, but we perpetuate to children the idea that Mommy is a cheater instead.

The more creative you are the less material you need to masturbate

Foreshadowing is spoilers without context

It seems wrong that the word “plagiarism” is derived from another language.

From the perspective of a light source there are no shadows.

Due to today's culture, people would only really freak out if the zombie apocalypse had fast zombies.

Maybe the reason why the world continues to seem more violent and warlike is because the violent tribes have been killing off the peaceful tribes for millennia and all that's left are the descendants of sociopaths.